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How To Be A Burden On Your Children

17 May

How To Be A Burden On Your Children

I’ve decided I’m going to be a burden on my children.  It’s a nice succinct retirement plan, there’s no paperwork  and it keeps me motivated to be the best parent I can be.

I realize I’m counting on at least one of my boys not being in jail or rehab, being gainfully employed and/or having a girlfriend or wife that is. 

I am small and probably won’t eat much.  I understand that living under their roof I’ll have to follow their rules.  Why, I’ll be no trouble at all. 

Just a few little quirks… Continue reading


Conscious Neglect

6 May

I have been lucky enough to raise my children in middle class comfort and have taken advantage of the many opportunities afforded me to expose and educate them.  Now 12 years into this endeavor, I realize I’ve made a giant mistake.    And with all the recent attention on “Helicopter Parenting,” I have decided it is time for action.  Therefore, in the interest of my children, I am hereby going to neglect them. 

Furthermore, I feel it is my duty to package up this concept and take it to my fellow parental compatriots.  Oh the stories I could tell of what is like on the front line in the war for greatness and recognition, ease and perfection for my children.    Continue reading