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Dish Rags Not Included

9 May

Dish Rags Not Included appeared in the October 2010  issue of Funny Times (Clevaland Heights, OH).


I recently purchased a new coffee maker.  It brews, it warms, it can tell time, it can auto-magically have the coffee waiting for me in the morning when I wake, but alas, it cannot pour coffee without spilling it. 

 I pour slowly, it drips on the counter.  I pour quickly, it drips on the counter.  Left handed, right handed, high up, low down, it drips.  Hello?  It’s a coffee maker.  If it was a Mr. Ricer or a Mr. Yogurt I could understand; but it’s a coffee maker.  It’s supposed to brew, warm and decant coffee.  I wonder if it were a Mrs. Coffee would it still spill? Continue reading


The Coupon Carbon Footprint

9 May


Has anyone noticed we have gone completely coupon crazy?  What started as a simple marketing technique is now out of control. 

I’m sure somehow the mass quantity and variety of coupons available is a sign of the impending downfall of capitalism.  Coupons are the insidious seed of discontent in our society; they feed our debilitating need to get more for less; slowly devaluating all we have and do in a discounted frenzy… In the very least, they are a messy, time consuming pain in the neck. Continue reading